Spoiler alert:

the following thoughts come from Whimsy, a very advanced model that is into the topic of kinbaku/semenawa for many years. It is a very personal text that describes her perspective on the topic of pain in session .

it´s only recommended for advanced readers.

„While in an extremely painful suspension during a recent scene, I struggled to reach physical surrender. It is normally easy to find. I have so much practice. I know that softening the muscle softens the pain and I know how to coax my muscles into it. Not this time. I surprised myself as I let out a sobbing breath. It didn’t come with tears but it felt like pushing my body to the point of truly being out of control. Maybe that’s it. Really make me feel out of control. Since I know how to withstand pain, I need it to go beyond that threshold to inch me closer towards panic. Towards invigorating embodiment. No escape. My partner skillfully taking me there, trusting themself to hurt me more than society says is acceptable, trusting me enough to handle that complex experience, and trusting our connection enough to grow through it is maybe what I’m truly after. The blossoming connection catalyzed by sadism is the most delectable paradox.“

Many thanks to whimsy for allowing me to publish your thoughts here. You can find her at instagram : @whimsy.bound